1.We Reserve The Right To Refuse Service To You
(kinky friedman, rick goldberg, j. maizel)
While traveling through the lone star state
I lost my lunch before i ate,
It happened in a pull-ahead caf？ yahoo!
I felt my bones begin to crunch
I saw my name on the businessman's lunch
And the neck who owned the place stepped up to say：
hey buddy, are you blind,
Say, partner, can't you read the sign ？§
We reserve the right to refuse service to you,
Take your business back to walgreen's,
Have you tried your local zoo ？
You smell just like a communist,
You come on through just like a jew,
We reserve the right to refuse service to you.
Well, i walked on in to my house of god
Congregation on the nod,
Just chosen folks are doing their weekly thing.
Hear, o israel, yes indeed,
My book was backwards, couldn't read,
But i got a good rise when i heard that rabbi sing,
boruch atoh adonoi,
What the hell are you doing back there, boy ？§
We reserve the right to refuse services to you,
Your friends are all on welfare
You call yourself a jew ？
You need your ticket and your tie
To zip your prayers on through,
We reserve the right to refuse services unto you.
Life from laos and cambodia
No more tears tonight they showed ya
The latest old war movies on tv.
You know it's bound to escalate
So go and turn on channel eight,
Watch channel seven border channel three.
Well, i won't mind your tanks and jets and jeeps
And speaking on behalf of all my fellow creeps：
We reserve the right to refuse service to you,
Right, face, forward, move
And get the children, too.
Let saigons be bygones,
Don't you blow this world in two.
We reserve the right to refuse service to you.
Well, it's just my luck that god's a texan
One big sonbitchin' anglo-saxon,
Some crazy tall norwegian bore
Just to help my body shipped air-freight
From texas to the pearly gate
Just ring the bell and leave me at the door.
I'll be somewhere over jordan swinging low,
I'll hear them tape-recorded angels in lifelike stereo
Singing,
we reserve the right to refuse service to you,
Take your business back to walgreen's,
Have you tried your local zoo ？
Our quota's filled for this year
On singing texas jews,
We reserve the right to refuse service to you.§
2.Highway Caf？
(kinky friedman)
She was only a waitress in a highway caf？Poured coffee from dusk
until dawn
But she was heart broken twenty-four hours a day
For she longed for her trucker who'd gone.
i'll make you the corned beef on rye§
She'd sing with a gleam in her eye.
The headlights were burning,
The big wheels were turning,
Her sweetheart would come bye and bye.
When he'd park his great semi off route 64
She'd blush with a sweet little sigh,
For at half past eleven he'd walk in the door
And he'd order her corned beef on rye.
i'll make you the corned beef on rye§
She'd sing with a gleam in her eye.
The jukebox was blarin';
His soft eyes were starin',
The corned beef would come bye and bye.
All the drivers remember that night, so they say,
She'd said her farewells to them all,
But when the hands on the clock reached a quarter past twelve
Her suitcase still stood in the hall.
And the hours passed by even as the trucks passed by out on the
highway
And then two grim highway patrolmen came into the place,
Shook the rain from their hats and as the poor girl
Brought them their coffee, she overheard the words that they
said.
oh curly, did you see that old diesel flattened out like your
damned nose up by the predicament tonight ？§
well, d'you know, he jack-knifed that son of a bitch slicker
than owl shit!§
now gimme a little joe over here, honey.§
hey man, you don't suppose that he had a little ol' hog waitin'
on down the line somewhere, do you ？§
oh, oh, oh, hell, curly, don't you know that them truckers they
got to take up a little filly at every, every caf？from here to
las cruces!
eh, eh. yeah, don't they! ah ah ah ah ah, ah ah ah ah ah ..§
ah ah ah ah ah, he he he he he ...§
Now there is a small truck-stop on route 64
If you happen to be passin' by,
But there's a trucker who never stops in anymore
And a waitress who wished she knew why.
i'll make you the corned beef on rye§
She sings with a tear in her eye.
And as her dark eyes are glistening
There's someone who's listening
In that highway caf？in the sky.
i'll make you the corned beef on rye§
She sings with a tear in her eye.
And as her dark eyes are glistening
There's someone who's listening
In that highway caf？in the sky.
i'll make you the corned beef on rye§
She sings with a tear in her eye.
And as her dark eyes are glistening
There's someone who's listening
In that highway caf？in the sky.
i'll make you the corned beef on rye§ ...
3.Sold American
(kinky friedman)
Faded jaded falling cowboy star,
Pawnshops itching for your old guitar.
Where you're going, god only knows,
The sequins have fallen from your clothes.
Once you heard the opry crowd applaud,
Now you're hanging out at fourth and broad
On the rain wet sidewalk remembering the time
When coffee with a friend was still a dime.
And everything's been sold american,
The early times is finished and the want ads all are read.
Everyone's been sold american
In dreaming dreams in a rollaway bed.
Writing down your memoirs on some window in the frost,
Roulette eyes reflecting another morning lost.
Hauled in by the metro for killing time and pain
With a singing brakeman screaming through your veins.
And everything's been sold american,
The lonely night is mourning for the death it never dies.
Everyone's been sold american
Don't let me catch you laughing when the jukebox cries.
You told me you were born so much higher than life,
But i've seen the faded pictures of your children and your wife.
Now they're fumbling through your wallet and they're trying to
find your name,
It's almost like they raise the price of fame.
And everything's been sold american,
No place to go and brother, no place to stay.
Everyone's been sold american
Just let that golden greyhound roll your soul away.
4.Flyin' Down The Freeway
(kinky friedman)
Well, it's retro rocket time inside my attic
I'm all wrapped up in the flag to keep me warm
Got my brain locked in the cruise-o-matic
Rollin' ronnie reagan in suppository form
Flyin' down the freeway
Jettin' down to l.a., it sets me free
Going back to nature in my jew canoe
Flyin' down the freeway all the way with you
I'll tell the maharishi that i've seen ya
I'm a-travelin' east until i know i'm free
I'll take the midnight flight to british guinea
Ain't nobody casting asparagus on me
Flyin' down the freeway
Jettin' down to l.a., it sets me free
Going back to nature in my jew canoe
Flyin' down the freeway all the way with you
I'll get a mule and be a flat land farmer
Grow a little bumper crop of grass
In hollywood i'll total my karma
I'm gonna cast my seed upon the ground
Gonna covet my neighbor's ass
I'm flyin' down the freeway
Jettin' down to l.a., it sets me free
Going back to nature in my jew canoe
Flyin' down the freeway all the way with you
Well, past the pipe of peace in our abode
Buried in the ruins of mexico
We'll dip some snuff in mainline guacamole
We'll listen to the opry upon the radio
Flyin' down the freeway
Jettin' down to l.a., it sets me free
Going back to nashville in my jew canoe
Flyin' down the freeway all the way with you
5.Ride 'em Jewboy
(kinky friedman)
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Ride, ride ＆em jewboy,
Ride ＆em all around the old corral.
I'm, i'm with you boy
If i've got to ride six million miles.
Now the smokes from camps are rising
See the helpless creatures on their way.
Hey, old pal, ain't it surprising
How far you can go before you stay.
Don't you let the morning blind ya
When on your sleeve you wore the yeller star.
Old memories still live behind ya,
Can't you see by your outfit who you are.
How long will you be driven relentless ＆round the world,
The blood in the rhythm of the soul.
Wild ponies all your dreams were broken,
Rounded out and made to move along.
The loneliness which can't be spoken
Just swings a rope and rides inside a song.
Dead limbs play with ringless fingers
A melody which burns you deep inside.
Oh, how the song becomes the singers,
May peace be ever with you as you ride.
How long will you be driven relentless around the world,
The blood in the rhythm of the soul.
In the window candles glowing
Remind you that today you are a child,
Road ahead, forever rolling,
And anything worth cryin' can be smiled.
So ride, ride ＆em jewboy,
Ride ＆em all around the old corral.
I'm, i'm with you boy
If i've got to ride six million miles.
Ooh ooh ooh,
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh.
Ooh ooh ooh,
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh.
6.Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
(kinky friedman)
You uppity women i don't understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
You'd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what i to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning you're out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your maiden form for lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman that's ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin' him that he's wrong.
Eve said to adam, here's an apple you horse§
And delilah defoliated samson's moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what i to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
And your coffee makes my hair turn green.
So damn emancipated in your mind and your body,
Gonna have to cancel all your lessons in karate.
If you can't love a male chauvinist
You'd better cross me off your shopping list.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what i to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
7.High On Jesus
(kinky friedman)
Walking down division street
I happened on to meet
A stranger with a package in his hand.
He said, mister, if you follow me
Rainbow colors you will see,
I'll take your head into the promised land.§
friend, i don't need your stuff,
My jesus is enough.
You see them colors bright,
Why can't you see the light ？§
Let's get high on jesus, high on jesus,
I believe that he was here in town.
Flying high on jesus, high on jesus,
I'm so high i'm never coming down.
One man buys a nickel sack,
Another buys a cadillac,
They both think they will drive their cares away.
But neither thinks to lend a hand
To help his struggling fellow man,
They'd better buy their tickets now for judgment day.
Oh, friend, let's try to score
For peace and not for war,
For love and not for hate
Before it gets too late.
Let's get high on jesus, high on jesus,
Ain't you ever heard the nashville sound ？
Flying high on jesus, high on jesus,
I guess, my friend, the lord still gets around.
An angry mob confronted me
By the university,
down with this and down with that§ they cried.
A burning bottle in his hand,
A long-haired youth screamed, come on, man,
The conscience of america has died!§
friend, i don't get my kicks
Starting fires and throwing bricks,
I pray someday you find
The gentle reason i'm
So high on jesus, high on jesus,
They tried to put his body under ground.
Flashing high on jesus, high on jesus,
But friend, you just can't keep the good man down.§
Oh, let's get high on jesus, high on jesus,
They tried to put his body under ground.
Flashing high on jesus, high on jesus,
But friend, you just can't keep the good man down.
8.The Ballad Of Charles Whitman
(kinky friedman)
He was sitting up there for more than an hour,
Way up there on the texas tower
Shooting from the twenty-seventh floor. yahoo!
He didn't choke or slash or slit them,
Not our charles joseph whitman,
He won't be an architect no more.
Got up that morning calm and cool,
He picked up his guns and walked to school.
All the while he smiled so sweetly
And it blew their minds completely,
They'd never seen an eagle scout so cruel.
Now won't you think for the shame and degradation
For the school's administration
He put on such a bold and brassy show.
The chance looked right, it's adolescent
And of course it's most unpleasant
But i got to admit it was a lovely way to go.
There was a rumor about a tumor
Nestled at the base of his brain.
He was sitting up there with his .36 magnum
Laughing wildly as he bagged 'em.
Who are we to say the boy's insane ？
Now charlie was awful disappointed
Else he thought he was anointed
To do a deed so lowdown and so mean.
The students looked up from their classes
Had to stop and rub their glasses,
Who'd believe he'd once been a marine.
Now charlie made the honor roll with ease,
Most all of his grades was a's and b's.
A real rip snorting trigger squeezer
Charlie proved a big crowd pleaser
Though he had been known to make a couple c's.
Some were dying, some were weeping,
Some were studying, some were sleeping,
Some were shouting texas # 1!§
Some were running, some were falling,
Some were screaming, some were balling,
Some thought the revolution had begun.
The doctors tore his poor brain down,
But not a snitch of illness could be found.
Most folks couldn't figure just-a why he did it
And them that could would not admit it,
There's still a lot of eagle scouts around.
There was a rumor about a tumor
Nestled at the base of his brain.
He was sitting up there with his .36 magnum
Laughing wildly as he bagged 'em.
Who are we to say the boy's in
Who are we to say the boy's in
Who are we to say the boy's insane ？
9.Top Ten Commandments
(kinky friedman)
Walking on the ragged streets of time
A man is asking if there is a dime
Someone can spare.
No one pays him any mind,
But surely someone sees him there a-crying
When no one's there.
And the washed out whore demands
The bottle in his hands.
Ah, mister, don't you weep,
God knows we've tried to keep
The golden rule and the
Top ten commandments.
You can't believe the thing you've seen
On the midnight tv screen
And nightmare sent by satellite.
Rain fire falling from the skies
A mother holds her baby and cries
And day for us for them is night.
And love is just a word we preach
For who can learn what none will teach.
Ah, people, don't you weep,
God knows we've tried to keep
The golden rule and the
Top ten commandments.
And moving across on the city street
A neighbor tried to find his feet
And fell on down and slipped to ruin.
The bystanders are all standing by
Watching from corners of their eyes
Wondering what on earth can he be doing.
With a faith nobody shared
And a love nobody dared
Oh, mary, don't you weep,
Someday we'll learn to keep
The golden rule and the
Top ten commandments.
10.Western Union Wire
(kinky friedman)
From a cheap hotel in dallas
On a cold december day
A telegram was traveling on its way
Like a sad old song from somewhere
In the distance of a dream
Flashing ＆cross the darkness
On the telegraph machine.
It said, from billy,§ at the bottom, to baby,§ at the top
Western union wire please help me§ stop.
Western union wire don't leave me.§ stop.
Well, the taxicab it took her
To the airport in the dawn,
She knew in just an hour she'd be gone.
She was standing near the platform
＆bout to board the big pan am
When someone came
And put the lonely message in her hand.
It said, from billy,§ at the bottom, to baby,§ at the top
Western union wire please help me§ stop.
Western union wire don't leave me.§ stop.
Headin' high above chicago
Just a-reachin' for the skies
She found herself with teardrops in her eyes.
And a little boy beside her asked her,
mama, where is pop ？§
And she just broke down a-cryin'
＆cause she knew she couldn't stop.
It said, from billy,§ at the bottom, to baby,§ at the top
Western union wire don't leave me.§ stop.
ah, you said you'd always love me how could you ？§ stop,
in pieces on the runway i love you.§ stop.
11.Silver Eagle Express
(kinky friedman, roger friedman)
And i'd ride the silver eagle to the last town on the line,
Railroad ties are not my friend the only ties that bind.
Just watch the troubled countryside gently fall away,
Silver eagle, hold me, guide me, roll me homeward from today.
Lose the track of time and let it flow back,
Stoke the ancient furnace into flames.
Running barefoot in the cinders of the moat pack
Hoppin' bedtime rides with the outlaw jesse james.
But now my heart's a worn and weary vessel.
I been haulin' dreams that never seem to last.
Once i slept beside a trembling trestle,
Woke up lost across the rusty lifelines to the past.
And i'd ride the silver eagle to the last town on the line,
Railroad ties are not my friend the only ties that bind.
Just watch the troubled countryside gently fall away,
Silver eagle, hold me, guide me, roll me homeward from today.
Freedom's only station to station,
A paper suitcase on the track of time.
Ain't hard to tell a hard luck situation,
Ain't hard to tell a homeless country poet out of rhyme.
I'm gonna ride the silver eagle to the last town on the line,
There's nothing to remember if there's nothing to remind.
From the gentle texas sunshine to the colorado snow
Ain't no one here to hold you, boy, when the good lord lets you
go.
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